Visual Disconnect

I've been thinking a lot this summer about the fact that there is a disjuncture between my physical body as other people see it and my identity as I see it through my understanding of my past. I want to remake myself so that others are unable to project "ethnicity" onto me. I don't want to be perceived as "white" but I also don't want to be perceived as "other." This dichotomy bothers me. Either you are "one of us" or you are "exotic."

I am especially sick of being called "exotic" by white people. But, I also embrace it, I make a point of highlighting my "ethnic" qualities so that I can avoid whiteness. Because to be perceived as white would be to erase my mother, to erase our whole past, to forget my grandparents, great grandparents, great-great grandparents, etc. It would be to forget the daughter of a former slave and her dutch master. It would be to disown the little girl from Rajasthan kidnapped by marauders and sold to the British as an indentured laborer. It would be to erase the double colonization of the bodies of my fore-mothers.

I want to be Guyanese, I want to be Indian, I don't want to be exotic. Is it possible to be that? I'm not so sure.

I think I'm exploring this uncertainty in the pictures I recently posted on my site (this one, this one, and this one).

Re-boot

So, I've obviously not been posting here. I'm not sure why, but, I would often start a post, and then never complete it. Now, I have two reasons to recommit myself to this space. First of all, I am taking a video installation class that will focus on social platforms (like facebook, youtube, blogs, etc.) and I am required to keep a blog for the class. The other reason is that I am now able to have a more direct connection between my website and this blog, and I would like to use this connection to develop a discourse with friends about how my work is developing.

Let us return to the high hopes of the past...